My family: I was born on October 31, 1980, into a devout, conservative, and traditional Catholic family. The church was the focal point of our lives. We began each day with mass and actively participated in all church activities. Every evening, we gathered for family prayer. We embarked on pilgrimages together and even engaged in annual retreats. Consequently, I believe I received a strong spiritual upbringing from my family, inheriting many of the qualities that shape my spiritual life today.
Culture and tradition: I hail from a region in Kerala where the Christian population outweighs that of Hindus and Muslims, possibly in the southern part of India. Our community has a rich Christian tradition deeply rooted in faith. Despite occasional criticisms of priests, our churches remain full, indicating a strong devotion among the laity. Our area holds significance in the history of Christianity, believed to have been home to Christians since the first century, particularly associated with the legacy of St. Thomas. Kottayam, the main city in our region, boasts seven cathedrals belonging to seven ancient churches of Kerala. Although the number of vocations to priesthood and religious life has decreased over time, our community continues to play a significant social, political, and economic role in our state. Notably, St. Alphonsa, the first Indian woman saint, hails from our locality, along with numerous other blessed individuals. Our region has also produced theologians dedicated to serving the church including Jesuits and others. Thus, my upbringing instilled in me a strong desire to serve the church, shaped by the rich Christian heritage of my community.
In 1985, my family relocated from our familiar community to the northern part of Kerala, where my father purchased land for rubber plantation—a common practice among Christians at the time, encouraged by the church. This new environment was initially isolating for me, and I often found myself alone. However, I soon developed a profound appreciation for the wild, uncultivated land surrounding our new home. As a young boy, I was captivated by the beauty of nature—its hills, valleys, wildlife, and flora. Every aspect of the natural world seemed to beckon me, offering solace and joy amidst my solitude. Even now, vivid memories linger—of yellow wildflowers, the aroma of coffee blossoms at dawn, the scent of jackfruits and mangoes, and the meandering streams. One particular day stands out when I traced a spring back to its source, marveling at the transformation into a small river. Nature posed countless questions to me, stirring a deep sense of curiosity and wonder.
This love for nature has remained with me throughout my life. During my studies for a master's degree in English literature, I specialized in the Romantic period and the works of poets such as Wordsworth, Coleridge, and Keats, further deepening my appreciation for the natural world. It was during spiritual exercises and contemplation that I recognized the divine presence in all of creation, reinforcing my belief that God's handiwork is evident in every aspect of nature.
When I delved into philosophy, the pantheistic and sacramental understanding of Indian philosophy, with its cosmos-centric perspective, captivated me deeply. During my regency time in the school, we organized natural camps and produced documentaries on important ecological themes. Even works like Moltman’s "Dieu dans la création, Traité écologique de la création" resonated with me. This love for nature not only fueled my exploration of the mysteries of the natural world but also played a significant role in shaping my vocation, fostering solitude for deep reflection on the presence of the divine within nature.
The 1990s brought significant changes to India. The liberalization of the Indian economy in 1991 ushered in a new era. Witnessing the vibrant transformation of India, with its colorful tapestry of lifestyles, thinking patterns, beliefs, and attitudes, was truly eye-opening. However, economic challenges compelled my father to sell our property, prompting our return to where our relatives and family resided in 1992. Despite my lack of interest, I pursued commerce in my studies due to the opportunities presented by the liberalized economy.
During this period, I was deeply affected by the disparities prevalent in political, social, cultural, and ecclesiastical spheres. I was starkly aware of the glaring divide between the affluent and the impoverished, the powerful and the powerless. I witnessed widespread marginalization, exploitation, and inequality, which left an indelible mark on my consciousness. The conspicuous consumption of some, juxtaposed with the stark poverty endured by others, further underscored these disparities. Additionally, I observed pervasive corruption among politicians, officials, and even within the clergy, who prioritized the interests of the wealthy over those of the poor. This disillusionment extended to the church, which appeared more concerned with material wealth than with promoting the values of the kingdom of God. The church's entanglement in politics further estranged it from the plight of the marginalized and oppressed, leaving me disenchanted with society, the church, and even my own family.
In response to this disillusionment, I sought solace in solitude, retreating to a nearby hill where I could contemplate the societal structures that had disappointed me. Despite harboring resentment towards the society in which I lived and the church to which I belonged, my religious upbringing instilled in me a sense of duty to attend mass and participate in church activities.
At college, I encountered two contrasting movements: one characterized by ostentatious displays of wealth, and the other by an intellectual and cultural resurgence championed by communist ideals. Hailing from a state with a soft, democratic form of communism, I found myself drawn to this Cultural Revolution, which ignited my passion for literature, both domestic and international. Reading essays critical of capitalism and embracing figures like Che Guevara and Mao as my heroes, I engaged in fervent discussions against American imperialism and multinational corporations, lending my support to movements like the Palestinian cause.
During this time, my dedication to reading never
waned; I delved into books voraciously, continuously expanding my worldview
beyond the confines of my village. This pursuit granted me a fresh perspective,
enabling me to view everything through a critical lens while steadfastly
maintaining my faith and religious practices.
Driven by my passion for literature and a profound sense of social responsibility, I chose to pursue studies in English literature and Journalism at the university level. Immersing myself in classical English literature and professional journalism training, I approached my education with earnestness. Serendipitously, I encountered the Jesuits, initially through British and European history, and later through the works of G. M. Hopkins. However, my exploration of the Jesuits extended far beyond mere historical curiosity; I delved into the history of the Kerala province, its advocacy for the impoverished, and the endeavors of Italian missionaries among the dalits. The writings of Jesuit-Marxist Sebastian Kappan, particularly his exploration of Marxism and Christ, captivated my interest, further propelling my inquiry into the Jesuit order.
My devout upbringing and burgeoning desire for social justice spurred profound reflections on a vocation within the Society of Jesus. After three months of introspection, prayer, and extensive reading, I resolved to join the pre-novitiate of the Kerala province, conveniently located near my home.
The year-long pre-novitiate provided ample opportunity for contemplation on religious life and ultimately solidified my decision to continue my journey within the order. Immersed in the lives of Jesuit saints, guided by mentors who shared their missionary experiences, and enriched through spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, and yoga, I found resonance in the simplicity, apostolic zeal, and profound spirituality exemplified by my peers. Culminating in a discernment retreat, I committed to advancing to the novitiate.
Within the novitiate, I deepened my personal connection with Christ through regular recollections and extended retreats. Exploring the concept of the kingdom of God as presented in the Gospel of Matthew, I chose it as the subject of my reflection. Embracing the Jesuit ethos, I engaged in diverse experiences, including retreats on Bhagavad Gita, daily meditation, yoga, and various apostolates within marginalized communities.
However, amidst my spiritual growth, a significant event disrupted my path. On December 25, 2004, the devastating Tsunami struck the Indian coast, claiming thousands of lives and displacing millions. Engaged in relief efforts, I confronted the harsh realities of suffering and grappled with existential questions surrounding its nature and origins.
My philosophical studies provided a platform to delve into Indian philosophy, particularly the pursuit of liberation inherent in Hindu thought. My interest extended to Indian aesthetics, culminating in a study on the philosophy of films. This exploration broadened my understanding of religious traditions and fostered a deeper appreciation for interfaith dialogue.
Transitioning into regency, I found fulfilment in teaching literature, using it as a conduit for spiritual and intellectual growth among my students. Embracing innovative pedagogical approaches, I sought to instil hope and a love for humanity and nature, embodying the Jesuit commitment to holistic education.
Comments
Post a Comment